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Helping Our Teens Establish Healthy Values by Chuck Gartman Some Definitions: “Helping...Establish”--the question comes: Should teens question the values held by their parents? A resounding “YES” is the answer. We are not sculptors who knock off the rough edges, but gardeners who aid the young plant (teenager) in his/her growth. We are always going to be in the process of guiding them to make their own decisions and create their own values. That doesn’t mean we don’t ever share ours. But if we force them instead of guide them; there is a good chance that teenagers will eventually reject them.The term, “healthy,” connotes honesty, integrity, loyalty, dependability, moral purity, self discipline. In other words, we want to move them toward Christ’s character.Believing something so strongly that you will practice it is a “value.” It is not just an ideal; it is reality. It is not just what I believe that is a value to me; it is what I DO.What do we do? First of all, we must share our own values with them. Christ like standards must be verbalized. There is really no substitute for this, AND it is a long term proposition. Sharing it once will not do the trick. A common theme in all of these articles is the motto of Fellowship of Christian Athletes: If you talk the talk, you must walk the walk. How true of teens observing their parents’ values! Christian values are not so much taught as they are caught. Part of the process is not only telling and acting, but also supplying the reasons behind what we believe. A positive relationship is a prerequisite. Finally, we must know our competition. While research shows that teens are influenced a great deal by their parents (some research indicates that parental influence far outweighs any other influence), there are other influences about which we need to know. One is our teen’s peers. What they wear, how they talk, where they recreate, what they watch and read is profoundly influenced by their friends. Eventually, this impacts what they believe and how they act. Another major influence on teens is the media. One network has as its mission statement: we want to SHAPE youth culture. What your teen is watching on television and in the movies does, in fact, help shape his/her values, so it behooves us to discover and implement some filtering systems to help them discern what is best. As Christian parents we want to help guide our youth toward a healthy value system based on Scripture. There is no room for rest or relaxation in this journey. We must know what we want to communicate, know how to communicate it, and know our competition. God bless you in guiding your teens to establish healthy Christian values in their lives. Used by permission. Reprinted from Living with Teenagers, February, 2003 Produced by Student Ministry Publishing, LifeWay Christian Resources. For subscription information, visit www.lifeway.com or call 800-458-2772
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